THE JOY OF LETTING HOBBIES JUST BE HOBBIES
Having hobbies is a beautiful thing. Research has found associations between having a hobby and better physical health, greater happiness, improved life satisfaction, and reduced depressive symptoms. I find many of my clients, however, have a tendency to turn their hobbies into goal-oriented activities. Enjoying running turns into I want to run a marathon which turns into I want to improve my marathon time, and so on.
Do we lose something when we make our hobbies another area of life where we have to be consistently growing and achieving? And what might we gain by doing a hobby simply for the sake of doing it?
How Hobbies Become Goal-Oriented
For many, the seeds of this tendency are planted in childhood. Children are often not permitted to simply enjoy shooting hoops or noodling around on the guitar, for instance. Well-meaning adults tend to pick up on children’s interests and funnel them into a more structured pipeline, whether the child actually wants that or not. In this way shooting hoops becomes specializing in basketball from a young age, trying out for elite club teams, and maybe even angling for a college scholarship.
The message that children can get along the way is that it is only worth doing something if you are good at it and constantly striving to be better. Then we become adults who are focused on leveling up and have forgotten how to do things just for the fun of doing them.
The Downsides of Becoming Goal-Focused in Your Hobbies
I will preface what comes by saying that goals are not bad nor is enjoying the process of getting better at something. Accomplishing goals and observing self-growth are meaningful and joyful experiences that can enhance our sense of self-worth, competence, and purpose.
We can run into problems, however, when we become excessively focused on achieving a goal or outcome at the expense of enjoying the process. At that point, you might start to observe unwanted consequences like:
Negative impact on mood. This could show up in a number of ways. I have observed clients feel frustrated when they are not performing or progressing as hoped at a hobby. I have also seen clients feel guilty when they don’t feel like engaging with their hobby or anxious about doing so because they fear the self-criticism that will come up if they don’t do it “well enough.”
Loss of enjoyment. When we put too much pressure on reaching a goal, the result is often that we don’t find the activity itself fun anymore. We are overly concerned about external measures of success and lose connection with the internal, felt sense of enjoyment of just doing the thing. For those who would argue that achieving goals is fun, I would offer my observation that for most people that feels good for about five seconds before they are already looking to the next goal.
Diminished ability to connect with others. One of the benefits of having a hobby is the opportunity it offers to be in community with others around a shared interest. But being fixated on our own performance at something draws us inward and makes meaningful connection with others very difficult.
Staying in your comfort zone. When we become too concerned with being good at the things we allegedly do for fun, it can make us less willing to engage with activities that are new or different. We might hold ourselves back for fear of looking or feeling stupid or incompetent. In so doing, we miss out on opportunities to have diverse life experiences and to maybe even discover new passions.
An Invitation to Let Up
Most of us already put so much pressure on ourselves to excel in various dimensions of our lives, such as at work, in our relationships, and with our health. What if our hobbies could be a respite from the striving? What if you could do yoga just to enjoy the feeling of stretching and moving your body without the need to learn to stand on your head? Or paint just to savor the creative process without the need to produce Instagram-worthy work?
Allowing ourselves to simply be present, take pleasure in experiences for what they are, and have a sense of humor when we are not amazing at a given activity can be powerful ways of practicing self-love. If you find that you can’t let go of the need to progress and be good at everything you do, consider using therapy as a tool to help you gain the insight and tools you need to feel less pressure and more joy.
Please note: This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed mental health provider or other healthcare professional for guidance related to your specific mental health or medical concerns.
